


Quixotic

by mddnapstablook



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), F/M, Fluff, Humor, M/M, OH also the saiouma is onesided but imo later in the canon of this fic au they would get together, Rituals, also au where kokichi and maki grew up in the orphanage together and see each other as siblings, but hope's peak also has stuff from the school in ndrv3, but whereas maki became an assassin kokichi ran away to be with DICE, idk what else to tag, implied background Iruma Miu/K1-B0, implied one-sided saiouma, this whole fic is just kokichi pranking kaito bc he doesnt like him lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 14:52:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17962655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mddnapstablook/pseuds/mddnapstablook
Summary: Kokichi notices Kaito noticing Maki, and he doesn't care for that at all.





	Quixotic

Regardless of being noticed, Kokichi was actually very observant. He noticed all kinds of little things in people's behavior that others might miss. Like, the way Shuichi would scrunch his nose when he was annoyed _specifically_ at Kokichi? Or, the way Miu would melt when Kiibo complimented her for some godforsaken reason. Or, more specifically, Kokichi notices the way Kaito is _noticing_ Maki. And, honestly, he doesn't much care for it. 

He first notices it one day between classes, when he sees Kaito offering to carry Maki’s books. Gross, he thinks, and he assumes Maki agrees because she shakes her head at the suggestion. Kokichi decides there that the next time he sees Kaito, he's going to prank him. 

The next time ends up being when he's in line to get food for lunch, and Kokichi hurls a water balloon at him. If he had to guess, he'd have to say he chucked it at at least 90 mph, but then again, he doesn't know much about that sort of thing. 

The explosion on impact is excellent though, soaking Kaito's clothes, and the splash ebbing out to hit Shuichi and Tenko as well. He laughs, even as he's pulled away by Ishimaru for causing a scene. The detention is absolutely worth it.

But somehow, Kaito doesn't seem to get it. Kokichi had thought it would be obvious, and yet when math grades roll out and, oh no, Maki can't add two and two together, Kaito offers to tutor her, his A+ test grade held high, the single testament to his name. 

Maki agrees, because why wouldn't she? Of course, she would. Kokichi just needs to butt in. “Wahh? Kaito? You're giving Maki lessons?” He asks, eyes filling with tears. “Why not me? You know I failed the test, too!” He bawls, and Kaito cringes. Maki, however, is unfazed and tries to grab for Kokichi's test. 

“You didn't even fail, did you?” She asks, just as Kokichi moves the test out of reach and behind his back. 

“I did so!” He sniffles. “I did soooo bad,” he whines.

“Let me see it, then,” Maki says, and she moves to grab for the test again, but Kokichi squirms out of reach once more and starts bawling again in earnest. “Noooo, I did so bad, I can't let you see it!” He cries. “I just need Kaito to give me lessons, too!”

“Jeez,” Kaito groans, rubbing the back of his stupid neck. “If it's that important, fine. I'll teach you, too.”

“And Shuichi!” Kokichi demands. From beside Kaito, Shuichi blinks into the conversation. 

“What?” He asks. “I didn't even fail the test this time,” Shuichi says, holding up his B+ grade. His face is all cute and confused and it's ugly and Kokichi hates it. 

“He doesn't even need tutoring!” Kaito exclaims. Stupidly. 

“I want Shuichi there, too!” Kokichi repeats, and Shuichi just shakes his head. 

“Shuichi, bro,” Kaito begins, so Shuichi starts shaking his head faster, and Kokichi laughs, all while Maki watches on with an expression that betrays how much she'd really rather be doing anything else. 

“We can do something after the lesson, and you can just bring something else to do during, alright? So it wouldn't be a waste of time. Whaddya say?” Kaito pleads, and Kokichi tilts his head with a soft smile as he awaits Shuichi's answer.

Shuichi sighs, and the breath lifts his emo bangs a bit just before he nods once. “Alright, fine,” he agrees.

“Great! Then it's settled! You'll all meet me in my room so we can study together!” Kokichi concludes. 

“Why your room?” Kaito asks, because God, of course, the idiot would have questions.

“ _Because_ my room is the best,” Kokichi answers, and Kaito grumbles and turns away, so Kokichi counts it as a success. 

In front of him, Maki glares at Kokichi. “What are you doing?” She asks, voice level, but she's obviously pissed. Kokichi can't imagine why.

“Whaa? What am I doing? Nothing!” He replies. And then, because he can, he sets his test face-up on his desk; 98% A standing out in bright red at the top.

“I hate you,” Maki seethes, and Kokichi laughs.

“The feeling is super mutual,” he says.

-

Then, all that's left to set up is the trap. Kokichi delicately places a plastic bag full of pretty sparkly purple glitter just above the chair at his desk, where he plans to lead Kaito to. When he pulls out the chair, it'll trigger the trap wire he set, and the glitter will cover Kaito completely. 

“Nishishi!”

The ring of his bell alerts him, and Kokichi tries to stifle his giggles the best that he can as he walks over to open his door. To his surprise and mild disappointment, Shuichi is the only one there. Still, he looks totally adorable, and Kokichi lets him in after a short unimpressed stare down. 

“Where's Kaito and Maki?” Kokichi asks as he watches Shuichi wander around his room, looking at all of Kokichi's stuff. He stops at Kokichi's desk and his fingers tap against the rigged chair. 

“Kaito said I should go ahead, he needed to stop in his room for a minute,” Shuichi explains. “Could I ask you something?

“Well, you just did!” Kokichi retorts with a grin, but internally he's screaming at Shuichi to get his hands off the chair. “Sit down on the bed, they shouldn't be too much longer!” Kokichi says.

Shuichi hums but doesn't move. “Why did you want me here?”

Ugh. “Because I'm _so_ in love with you! Oh, Shuichi, won't you return my feelings?”

Shuichi flushes, but he shakes his head. “That's a lie, isn't it?”

“Yep!” Kokichi agrees easily. “I think Shuichi is mega gross. I wouldn't want to kiss him in a million zillion years! I just wanted someone else here to keep Kaito under control.”

“Under control?” Shuichi questions, pulling out the chair. 

Kokichi watches at the glitter falls seemingly in slow motion, pouring over Shuichi in a heap of sparkling stars. Kokichi is beyond annoyed that his trap sprung early, but it's not like it's his only bag of glitter. He can reset it-

“Jesus,” Shuichi says, blinking at the purple coating his entire body. Every inch of him sparkles under the fluorescent lights.

Okay, it's still pretty funny. Kokichi bursts into laughter, doubling over and holding his stomach. This was almost _too_ good, and he can only imagine how great it would be when he finally uses it on Kaito.

“Was that set for Kaito?” Shuichi asks as he tries to wipe ineffectually at the glitter. A little flicks off with each swipe, and with Shuichi's resulting stomps into Kokichi's attached bathroom to survey the damage.

Kokichi wipes away tears as he nods. “Yeah, I told you to sit on the bed!” 

Shuichi glares at his reflection in the mirror. “Right. I'm going back to my room, now,” he decides, heading for the door. 

“Whoa, what?” Kokichi asks, rushing to block the door. “You can't leave! Maki and Kaito aren't here, yet!”

“They aren't coming,” Shuichi says, and Kokichi furrows his brows. “They know you didn't really fail the test.”

 _That bitch,_ Kokichi thinks. “But, my prank!”

Shuichi shakes his head. “So you really think it'd work a second time? After I already look like this?” Shuichi asks, stretching his arms out for emphasis. Kokichi can't hold back the small chuckle that comes out. “I'm going to shower.”

Kokichi doesn't really have much choice but to move and let Shuichi out of his room. He watches Shuichi head to his room, a trail of purple glitter falling behind him. Kokichi shuts his door and flops down on his bed, annoyed.

Well, it hadn’t worked out this time, thanks to Shuichi and Maki ruining everything, but that’s fine. It’s not like he has a shortage of plans. Kokichi flips onto his stomach so he can kick his legs like a schoolgirl as he reaches under his pillow for his scheming notebook to scrawl a giant ‘x’ over his glitter plan and start working on a new one. 

-

“I wonder what these rooms were supposed to be used for,” Sonia wonders as she walks along one of the walls, tracing the imperfect wood paneling with only the light of the wall’s candles to guide her. Kokichi watches her for a moment before turning his attention over to where Gundam and Korekiyo are flipping through some musty old black book. 

“It’s unclear what the school actually wished for these floors to be used for, but that works out well for us,” Korekiyo says as he flips a page. “I’m not sure of anywhere else suitable enough to hold this ritual.”

“Yeah, yeah, are you gonna hurry up and draw your lame salt thing already?” Kokichi asks, waving his hand as he skips around the two, bored beyond belief. He can’t even remember why he agreed to accompany them now, because standing around watching the three of them talk about aesthetics and books and blah blah blah is super lame. Kokichi is about to say as much, when he missteps and his foot falls through a hole, wood paneling flipping up and smacking his head as he hits the ground. “Ow, shit!” he complains, rubbing his head and pulling his hand back to reveal blood. 

“Dark Leader, are you alright?” Gundam asks, hanging the book over to Korekiyo and taking a step towards Kokichi. 

“Oh goodness, you’re bleeding!” Sonia cries, throwing a hand over her mouth in polite shock. Gag. 

“I’m _fine_ ,” Kokichi says, though to be honest, he’s feeling a little dizzy suddenly, but eh, he’s probably fine. Normally he’d play up any sort of injury, sobbing his little heart out and begging for death, but his head _really_ hurt and he didn’t really want to make it worse with any loud noises, even if said loud noises came from himself. 

“The flooring isn’t nailed down,” Korekiyo explains as Kokichi rises again, wiping blood on his white uniform. Whatever, he could change later. “You must be careful where you step,” he cautions. 

“Yeah, thanks for the fucking heads up,” Kokichi hisses. But, then he blinks. If someone as smart as himself could do something so stupid, it’d be effortless to get Kaito to fall for the same thing…

-

“Come on, come on! Hurry up! I wanna show you guys something!” Kokichi shouts from the top of the stairs. Maki scowls at him as she leads Kaito and Shuichi up the steps. The three of them are all exhausted and lightly sheened with sweat since Kokichi had gotten them right after a training session. 

“Where are we going? There’s nothing even up here,” Kaito complains with a huff as they reach the top. Then, he sees the fake blood on the walls and cringes. “Jeez, I forgot how creepy it is up here.”

“What, are you scared?” Maki deadpans, but Kokichi can read it as mildly amused, and that just won’t do. 

“Duh, of course, he’s scared! Kaito is a big wuss, you know?” Kokichi snickers and Kaito glares at him and puts his hands on his hips. 

“Hey, I’m no coward!” he argues, and Shuichi rolls his eyes and pats Kaito on the arm. 

“Are you going to show us something or not?” Shuichi asks with a tilt of his head. Like a sad, emo puppy. Kokichi wants to give him belly rubs. 

“Nishishi, yeah, duh!” Kokichi answers, and with a spin, he turns around to lead them to the middle classroom, still lit only by candles, but now with a pentagram drawn in the middle of the floor. 

“Oh, fuck,” Kaito whispers under his breath as the four enter the room. 

“Kokichi, what is all this?” Shuichi asks as if it isn’t obvious. What a cute dummy. 

“We’re gonna contact ghosts!” Kokichi says enthusiastically. 

“The fuck we are!” Kaito yells, shaking his head. “It’s late, let’s just go to bed,” he suggests, and Maki nods. Nope, not happening!

“No way! I went out of my way to plan this for us! Won’t it be fun? Huh? Don’t you guys wanna raise the dead with me? Or summon a demon? Come on, come on!”

Shuichi is the first to break, uncrossing his arms with a sigh. “I guess we could try. It’s unlikely to work, anyway.”

“Bro, you serious?” Kaito asks, face a little paler. _Nice,_ Kokichi thinks. 

Shuichi shrugs. “It’s easier to agree and get this over with than to argue.”

Kaito turns to Maki to gauge her reaction, but she’s glaring at Kokichi. “Well…” Kaito starts, and Kokichi bounces on his toes in excitement. “I guess we can… do this. Ugh,” he groans. 

“Great!” Kokichi claps his hands together. “Alright, get in a circle around the thing and sit down and close your eyes!”

Everyone does, if a little reluctantly. Kokichi makes Maki scooch over so Kokichi can sit between her and Kaito, and Kaito pouts minutely at that. Good. 

“Okay, keep your eyes closed! I’m going to start the ritual!”

Kokichi clears his throat and ensures everyone is closing their eyes and holding hands. Then, he begins reciting a random chant he heard in a movie once. “Ade, due, Damballa…” he begins, and he sees Shuichi crack open an eye to squint at him. Well, he wasn’t expecting all of them to be oblivious, but Shuichi doesn’t call him out, so he keeps going. “Give me the power, I beg of you!”

“God,” Maki mumbles, tightening her grip on Kokichi’s hand as he continues with his dumb little chant. There’s a weird breeze that makes the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and Kaito shivers, which is great, but unnecessary to his plan. 

By the end, Kokichi finishes his chant with a grin, and silence envelopes the room as the three sit around him, eyes closed, and awaiting something to happen. Kokichi’s smile grows as he carefully leans over to Kaito and whispers in his ear. “Boo,” he says softly, and it works, Kaito yelps and scoots back as quickly as possible, hand slamming down on a piece of wood and it rockets up to smack Kaito in the head. 

“Shit!” he exclaims, rubbing his head, and Maki and Shuichi blink their eyes open in confusion. 

“Kaito, are you alright?” Shuichi asks, crawling over the pentagram to check his head. Maki doesn’t move, but her brows are turned down in concern. Ew. 

“Yeah, I’m good. The floor like… moved?” Kaito shakes his head. Shuichi’s eyebrows draw into a curious expression, and carefully, Shuichi pushes on a part of the floor. The wood gives, flipping up like a seesaw. 

“The panels aren’t nailed down,” he says, and Kokichi laughs. 

“What shoddy craftsmanship!” he giggles. “Kaito, you should really be more careful! You could have really hurt yourself, you know?”

Then, Shuichi glares at him. “Did you plan this?” he asks, and Kokichi smiles at him.

“Plan what? Yeah, I planned this ritual. Duh!”

Shuichi scowls. “You know what I mean. You planned for Kaito to get scared and hurt himself, didn’t you?”

“Hey!” Kaito objects, still rubbing his head. Baby. “I wasn’t _scared_. I was startled!”

Maki rolls her eyes. “So, did you?” she asks.

Kokichi laughs. “Maaaaaybe!”

The distaste on Shuichi’s pretty face is palpable, and he rises from the ground and offers Kaito a hand up as well. “ _This_ is why no one likes you, Kokichi,” he says simply. “Come on, Kaito,” and Kaito follows as if he’s the sidekick, which really, he always was, even if he disagrees with it. 

Kokichi frowns as he watches them leave. _Okay_ , so it hadn’t gone perfectly, but it had worked, and Kokichi thinks Kaito might finally get the message now. Kokichi stands and dusts salt off his clothes, but Maki is still sitting by the pentagram. 

“Uh… you good?” he asks slowly. 

“Just… stop.”

Stop? “What are you-”

Maki stands in one fluid motion and gets right in Kokichi’s face, death glare in full power. “Just stop it. I know what you’re doing, and it’s annoying. I don’t like it, Kaito definitely doesn’t like it, and Shuichi will just hate you for it.” she says, and with a flick of her hair, she exits the room, slamming the door. The whoosh of the door closing blows enough wind to put out the candles, and Kokichi is left in darkness. 

-

Gonta smiles as he hands Kokichi a huge furry tarantula. Immediately, Kokichi is horrified. It’s actually one of Gundam’s pets, but he’s off doing God only knows what, so Gonta is not-bug-sitting. Kokichi is relegated to his unwilling assistant as everyone else is giving him the cold shoulder for some dumb reason. Idiots. 

Kokichi just doesn’t get it. What’s so great about Kaito? Why does everyone like him so much? He’s like a big dumb dog, and not like the cute little lap dog that Shuichi embodies, but a big ugly uh… a big ugly Golden Retriever. Fuck, those are still cute. Kokichi shakes his head. 

“Something wrong?” Gonta asks with a frown. Ugh, now Kokichi was bringing down Gonta? Jeez, it was not his week. 

“No way! I just… Man, I wish _I_ had a pet spider, you know?”

Gonta nods, smile returning. “Yes, spiders good friends!”

Kokichi gags internally. 

“Gundam is ultimate breeder. Perhaps he could breed spiders, and give you baby spider?” Gonta suggests, and Kokichi shakes his head. 

“I’m not responsible enough to have a pet,” he says honestly. “I’d probably get distracted and never feed it, you know?”

“Oh,” Gonta says. “That would be bad.”

“No shit,” Kokichi agrees. Then, his eyes light up. “But, that would be like a gift, right? Gundam giving me a spider?”

“Uh, yes?” Gonta replies, confused. 

Kokichi sets the spider down on the table and locks eyes with Gonta, slapping his hands on the table. “And people like gifts, right? And giving gifts and… yeah?”

Gonta nods, eyebrows quirked in a way that shows how lost he is. “Yes, people like gifts!”

“Good!” Kokichi shouts, leaning over and kissing Gonta on the forehead. “Perfect! I’ll see you later, Gonta!”

“O-oh? Goodbye Kokichi! Thank you for helping Gonta care for spider!”

-

Kokichi finds Kaito and Shuichi sitting on the school steps, laughing about something. Their expressions turn bored when Kokichi skips up to them though. “Come to apologize?” Shuichi asks. 

“Uh, definitely not,” Kokichi begins, and Kaito sighs and stands up, and Shuichi moves to follow him. 

“Wait! I did want to say something, though,” he says, throwing his hands out. 

Kaito turns around to face Kokichi, crossing his arms. “Alright, what is it?” 

Kokichi takes a deep breath, and then he says, “Maki really likes flowers, you know?” 

Kaito blinks, shares a look with Shuichi. “What?”

Kokichi laughs and throws his hands behind his head. “She likes flowers! Plants in general, I guess. Back at the orphanage, she took care of the gardens and stuff. Her favorite flowers are roses, but she lies and says they’re orchids because she thinks roses are too cliche. A cherry blossom bouquet would work in a pinch, too.”

Shuichi speaks first. “Why are you telling us this?” 

Kokichi shrugs. “I don’t know! Thought it’d be interesting!”

Kaito and Shuichi share another look, and Kokichi thinks it’s gross how they can practically read each other’s minds. Get a room! But then, they both turn to Kokichi and smile. “Thanks, Kokichi, maybe you aren’t so bad!” Kaito says with a thumbs-up. 

“We were just going to head to the Dining Hall,” Shuichi starts. “Would you like to come with us?”

Kokichi feels his heartbeat quicken, but he plays it cool and nods. “Sure! Will Shuichi carry me?” he asks, batting his eyelashes. 

“No,” Shuichi replies plainly. Well, it was worth a shot. 

-

After dinner, as Kokichi is exiting Miu’s lab after thoroughly berating her for being a disgusting pig, he sees Kaito stop Maki in the courtyard, one hand hidden behind his back. 

“Yo, MakiRoll!” he says, hand lifted in a wave. “What’s up?”

Maki slows in her walk and stops before him. “I’m going to my room to relax before training tonight. Why?” 

Kaito rubs the back of his neck as red floods his face and Kokichi snickers. Then, without a word, Kaito pulls a bouquet of roses and cherry blossoms from behind his back and presents it to her. 

Maki’s face is absolutely _priceless_. “What… are you doing?” she asks. 

“I, uh, I got these for you?” 

At that, her face matches his in hue as she reaches out and snatches the bouquet from him and swiftly walks away. “Uh, wait! Did- Do you like them?!”

“Nishishi!” Kokichi laughs as he trots over to where Kaito is standing, mouth slightly agape. “Told you she’d like them!” and then, because he can, he pulls a water gun out of his pocket and squirts Kaito in the chest. “Bang! You’re dead!”

Kaito gapes and pulls his shirt slightly off his chest to examine the damage, and then he grits his teeth with a grin, and retorts, “Oh, yeah?” as he tries to get a grip on Kokichi’s arm. Kokichi expertly moves out of the way and sprints away with a laugh. 

“You’ll have to be faster than that to catch me!”

“Is that a challenge?” Kaito yells back, giving chase.

**Author's Note:**

> dajkshfgkasdjgfagsdf idek what to say here. This was fun to write, though!! i hope i did okay on the tension though, because i felt awful writing the ritual scene and aftermath. anyway, thank you for reading!


End file.
